TromboneChat

After years of co-development and research with a super-secret manufacturer, I'm excitied to announce the GladTrombone (TM).

Tired of trying to keep up with mere button-pushers on the front line? Sick of endless flexibility studies just to be merely competent at arpeggios? Worry no more! GladTrombone (TM!) does away with all that by only being able play one note. No harmonic series, no scales, no semitones or even those fluffed notes inbetween. And definitely no glisses - nobody wanted them in the first place. Just one note. But what a note!

Amaze your friends with your new-found jazz chops by playing that one note in just the perfect place and perfect time to elevate any piece. Giant Steps? A breeze! Cherokee? Let's do it even faster!

Every GladTrombone (TM!!) is bespoke made to order and comes engraved with my signature. As well as a binding obligation to get a tattoo of my face on a body part of your choosing.

Yours for just £76,000.

Thanks! I needed a laugh! OK if I get my tattoo where the sun don't shine?

Serious question though. For real -- how are you able to eliminate all of the harmonic series besides the primary note? Did you use a shire-sized electric field to negate the Holtzman Effect?

Harrison, I think the trick lies in the leadpipe. As you know, with advanced design, the slotting can be optimized - mathematically you would call this infinite slotting. This allows perfect resonance on a specified frequency, also fully cutting any of the undesired overtones that normally disturb the sound. Clearly the future of brass playing. BTW, it's foreseen to be marketed as "The Orange Pipe" in reminiscence of perfect cultural contribution.

harrisonreed wrote: Wed Apr 01, 2026 5:04 am Serious question though. For real -- how are you able to eliminate all of the harmonic series besides the primary note? Did you use a shire-sized electric field to negate the Holtzman Effect?

I don't want to give away too many trade secrets, we did spend "years on co-development and research" after all. But I can say we took inspiration from digiridoos - they avoid being able to centre notes up the harmonic series by not being able to centre any note anywhere.

Kingfan wrote: Wed Apr 01, 2026 4:14 am Thanks! I needed a laugh! OK if I get my tattoo where the sun don't shine?

If you like. Our Ts & Cs don't even say it has to be your body.

MStarke wrote: Wed Apr 01, 2026 5:26 am Harrison, I think the trick lies in the leadpipe. As you know, with advanced design, the slotting can be optimized - mathematically you would call this infinite slotting. This allows perfect resonance on a specified frequency, also fully cutting any of the undesired overtones that normally disturb the sound. Clearly the future of brass playing. BTW, it's foreseen to be marketed as "The Orange Pipe" in reminiscence of perfect cultural contribution.

Of course! How could I have missed* these obvious details?! You're right and I'm glad that you are here to point out these things.


*Edit* somehow left out the word *missed*

mgladdish wrote: Wed Apr 01, 2026 6:39 am

harrisonreed wrote: Wed Apr 01, 2026 5:04 am Serious question though. For real -- how are you able to eliminate all of the harmonic series besides the primary note? Did you use a shire-sized electric field to negate the Holtzman Effect?

I don't want to give away too many trade secrets, we did spend "years on co-development and research" after all. But I can say we took inspiration from digiridoos - they avoid being able to centre notes up the harmonic series by not being able to centre any note anywhere.

Seems like development of the brass alphorn.

This makes my alphorn obsolete.

I fear that the Vuvuzela people might already have the patents.

MStarke wrote: Wed Apr 01, 2026 5:26 am Harrison, I think the trick lies in the leadpipe. As you know, with advanced design, the slotting can be optimized - mathematically you would call this infinite slotting. This allows perfect resonance on a specified frequency, also fully cutting any of the undesired overtones that normally disturb the sound. Clearly the future of brass playing. BTW, it's foreseen to be marketed as "The Orange Pipe" in reminiscence of perfect cultural contribution.

Will you be launching a book in the future regarding the construction of this fine instrument? Perhaps call it "The art of the seal?"

JonTheCadet wrote: Thu Apr 02, 2026 4:27 am Will you be launching a book in the future regarding the construction of this fine instrument? Perhaps call it "The art of the seal?"

I will of course make it available to mankind for free. However unfortunately this will not be the case for anyone who expresses another opinion. So sad.