Best ‘bone related jokes???

[bigbonefan]

Hey guys,

What’s up in bonesville!

First time poster long time lurker and a big fan of the bone while also learning 2 play. My main styles are rock, meditation, and funk rock and my nouthpiece is a 24.6 diameter small shank

Does anyone have any favourite jokes about the trombone? we’ve all heard the classics (tromb*ner for example) but I’d like to have a witty retort next time someone makes fun of me for getting my ‘bone on in public.

Thanks and nice to meet you all, looking forward to making friends
Glen

[brassmedic]

Why do trombone players get bad gas mileage?

The pizza delivery sign on top of their car.


How do you know if there's a trombone player at your door?

The doorbell drags.


How do you know when a trombonist's kid is at the playground?

He likes the slides but he can't swing.

[bigbonefan]

ha ha ha keep ‘em coming!!!

[Kingfan]

Three trombone players are in a car. Who's driving?
The arresting officer.

What is the difference between a professional trombone player and a large pepperoni pizza?
The pizza can feed a family of four.

A gentleman is a person who can play the trombone, but doesn't.

What's the difference between a trombone player and a certificate of deposit?
Eventually, the CD matures and starts earning some money.

A young child says to his mother, "Mom, when I grow up I'd like to be a trombone player."
She replies, "Well honey, you know you can't do both."

Q: What do you call a beautiful woman on a trombonist's arm?
A: A tattoo

Trombone Player: "Did you hear my last recital?"
Friend: "I hope so."

Q: Why do people play trombone?
A: Because they can't move their fingers and read music at the same time.

Q: Why do trombonist leave their cases on the front seat?
A: So they can park in the handicapped zones.

Q: What is another term for trombone?
A: A wind driven, manually operated, pitch approximator.

Q: Why do some people have an instant aversion to trombone players?
A: It saves time in the long run.

Q: What do call a trombone player without a girlfriend?
A: Homeless.

Q: What do you do if you see a bleeding trombonist running around in your back yard?
A: Stop laughing and shoot again.

Q: Why is a dead snake in the road more tragic than a dead trombonist in the road?
A1: The snake may have been on the way to a recording session.
A2: There are skid marks in front of the snake.

[alonetrombone]

you guys are a HOOT!

[Kingfan]

Q: What's the difference between a weed-eater and a trombone?
A: Your neighbor will get angry if you don't return the weed-eater.

What do the letters pp mean to a trombone player?
A1: An opportunity for an improvised solo.
A2: A polite reminder that he has been playing too loud for the past 5 minutes.

Q: What do you say to a trombonist who is wearing a three-piece suit?
A: "Will the defendant please rise?"

Q: What does the trombonist say when he gets to his gig?
A: "You want fries with that?"

Q: What did the trombonist get on his IQ test?
A: Drool.

Q: What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?
A: Year-at-a-Glance

It is difficult to trust anyone whose instrument changes shape as he plays it!

Four guys die the same day and approach the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter says, "This won't affect your admission up here, fellas, but I need some information for our records." First guy steps up. Saint Peter says, "How much money did you make last year?" Guy says, "Oh, about $ 98,000." Saint Peter says, "What did you do for a living?" Guy says, "I was a systems analyst for an engineering firm."
Saint Peter says, "Go right on in." Second guy steps up. Saint Peter says, "How much money did you make last year?" Guy says, "I grossed about $ 240,000."
Saint Peter says, "What did you do for a living?" Guy says, "I was a creative director at an ad agency." Saint Peter says, "Go right on in." Third guy steps up. Saint Peter says, "How much money did you make last year?" Guy says, "I pulled in about $ 35,000." Saint Peter says, "What did you do for a living?" Guy says, "I was a roofer." Saint Peter says, "Go right on in." Fourth guy steps up. Saint Peter says, "How much money did you make last year?" Guy says, "I made $ 476.00" Saint Peter says, "Did you like playing the trombone?"

Q. What is the difference between a trombone player and a V-8 engine?
A. You can tune the V-8.

Q. What is a trombonist's favorite beer?
A. "Blatz."

You will not find the word "fear" in the trombonist's vocabulary. Or "piano", "mezzo piano", or "pianissimo".

[BrassSection]

Trombone player died and wound up where he didn’t expect to be. As he was being shown around he heard the most beautiful symphony music he ever heard! Shortly thereafter a pointy tailed fellow greeted him and handed him the finest gold trombone he had ever seen, and escorted him to his chair in the orchestra. 8 fairly monotonous hours into the music he asked the fellow beside him “When do we get to the coda?” The fellow glared at him and said “I’ve been playing this for 50 years. There is no coda!”

[tbdana]

Trombone player died and wound up where he didn’t expect to be. As he was being shown around he heard the most beautiful symphony music he ever heard! Shortly thereafter a pointy tailed fellow greeted him and handed him the finest gold trombone he had ever seen, and escorted him to his chair in the orchestra. 8 fairly monotonous hours into the music he asked the fellow beside him “When do we get to the coda?” The fellow glared at him and said “I’ve been playing this for 50 years. There is no coda!”

This is way too optimistic. In a true Hell loop, he'd just be counting rests.

[PhilTrombone]

Two guys are elbow to elbow at the bar. First one says "What's your IQ"?
"200" says the other one, and they have an engaging talk about science, and calculus.

2 more guys hear that, and one says whats your IQ"? "150" says the other, and they have a discussion about politics, and taxes.

The next pair tries the same thing "What's your IQ"? "100, says his buddy, and they have a great talk about sports and TV shows.

The last 2 fellows at the bar hear all this. One wipes his nose on his sleeve and says "All right. My IQ is 75. What's yours"?

The other lummox replies "Hey! Mine is 75 also. What brand of slide cream do YOU use"?

[JohnL]

This is way too optimistic. In a true Hell loop, he'd just be counting rests.

Rehearsing out of tune strings over and over again and never quite getting to the trombone entrance. Or maybe even worse, getting to the trombone entrance and cutting off after one note.

Uh oh - I think I may be in Hell already...

[tbdana]

This is way too optimistic. In a true Hell loop, he'd just be counting rests.

Rehearsing out of tune strings over and over again and never quite getting to the trombone entrance. Or maybe even worse, getting to the trombone entrance and cutting off after one note.

Uh oh - I think I may be in Hell already...

Sounds like the rehearsal I had tonight!

[Pezza]

What's the difference between a valve trombone and a baritone?

If you run over a baritone no one cares, but if you run over a valve trombone real trombonists applaud.

[Cmillar]

(if you can remember the Iraq war of the early '90's.....)

Q: What has a higher accuracy rate than a trombone player?

A: A SCUD missile

[sacfxdx]

Practical joke.

[Jimkinkella]

'Bone player gets called to sub on a new year's eve gig.
Night goes great.
End of the night bandleader says "Great job, this is a regular NYE gig for us and we'd love to have you back"
'Bone player says "Cool, can I leave my stuff here?"

[dembones]

Q: What kind of calendar does a trombonist use for his gigs?
A: Year-at-a-Glance

Have to correct you on this one. It's actually "Career-at-a-Glance"

[TromboneTiger]

well well... let me slide into this forum and blast it full of stupid jokes...








Tromboner

[contrabajo]

Q: What's the typical trombonist dynamic range?
R: On or Off