Jokes and one liners from the back row

Spin your yarns here.
whitbey
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Sun Dec 22, 2019 8:12 am

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
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cmcslide
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by cmcslide » Sun Dec 22, 2019 8:41 am

I went to the Canary Islands once... didn't see a single canary anywhere. Same thing in the Virgin Islands, though, no canaries there either!
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Wed Jan 08, 2020 1:18 pm

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac? He stayed up all night wondering if there was a Dog.
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JeffDeault
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by JeffDeault » Sun Jan 12, 2020 7:05 pm

What's the difference between a bassoon and a vacuum cleaner?

Vibrato.
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by afugate » Mon Jan 13, 2020 5:55 am

JeffDeault wrote:
Sun Jan 12, 2020 7:05 pm
What's the difference between a bassoon and a vacuum cleaner?

Vibrato.
Your vacuum cleaner can do vibrato? Cool! :good: :lol:

--Andy in OKC
whitbey
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Wed Feb 12, 2020 6:48 am

When life gives you lemons...
kill them
crush them
drink their souls
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
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Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Conn 34H Alto
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whitbey
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Fri Feb 21, 2020 9:58 pm

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech
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Doubler
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by Doubler » Fri Feb 21, 2020 10:26 pm

Current instruments:
Olds Studio trombone, 3 trumpets, 1 flugelhorn, 1 cornet, 1 shofar, 1 keyboard

Previous trombones:
Selmer Bundy, Marceau
whitbey
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Thu Feb 27, 2020 9:11 pm

That’s harder than slamming a revolving door.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
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Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
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whitbey
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Sat Feb 29, 2020 1:44 pm

Her only flair is in her nostrils.


.
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Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Conn 34H Alto
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AndrewMeronek
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by AndrewMeronek » Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:27 pm

Dammit, this is hilarious!

"I don't play high and loud and I get chicks all the time. Chicks like trombone players. They think the way we move our slides is sexy. The only thing sexy about a trombone player is the trumpet player who sits behind him."
“All musicians are subconsciously mathematicians.”

- Thelonious Monk
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Mon Mar 30, 2020 5:58 am

When our phones auto correct to "duck" it's still fowl language.
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whitbey
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Thu Apr 23, 2020 2:49 pm

Never teach a wolf to meditate because it will become an "aware" wolf.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
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Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
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whitbey
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Thu Apr 23, 2020 2:50 pm

You had to stand in line to hate him.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
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Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Conn 34H Alto
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dbwhitaker
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by dbwhitaker » Fri Apr 24, 2020 4:07 pm

Social distancing via trombone. (I just stumbled across this. I don't know this guy.)

https://twitter.com/GaryTyrrell/status/ ... 3380666368
Playing again after a very long break and having fun.
Mikebmiller
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by Mikebmiller » Fri May 01, 2020 9:47 pm

AndrewMeronek wrote:
Sat Feb 29, 2020 3:27 pm
Dammit, this is hilarious!

"I don't play high and loud and I get chicks all the time. Chicks like trombone players. They think the way we move our slides is sexy. The only thing sexy about a trombone player is the trumpet player who sits behind him."
Why are they having this argument in a parking deck?
whitbey
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Mon May 18, 2020 3:05 pm

I'm so happy I could just fart glitter!!!
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Conn 34H Alto
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
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whitbey
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Mon May 18, 2020 3:06 pm

"This report, by its very length, defends itself against the risk of being read."
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Conn 34H Alto
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
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samopn
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by samopn » Tue May 19, 2020 9:10 am

Whenever I practice my trombone passers like it so much they throw bricks through the windows so they can hear me better.

not my joke, this was from a British comedian called Les Dawson who famously did a skit of (very skilfully) playing the piano just badly enough so it was painful.

S
Jimprindle
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by Jimprindle » Tue May 19, 2020 7:22 pm

A trombone player and a tuba player passed by a bar....
Don't laugh! It could happen.
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JohnL
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by JohnL » Wed May 20, 2020 6:58 am

Jimprindle wrote:
Tue May 19, 2020 7:22 pm
A trombone player and a tuba player passed by a bar....
Don't laugh! It could happen.
Yup, the bar could be closed.
whitbey
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Thu May 21, 2020 12:52 pm

It does not matter whether you win or lose, it is how the band plays.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
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Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Conn 34H Alto
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RoscoTrombone
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by RoscoTrombone » Fri May 22, 2020 1:41 pm

On having a conversation with a friend of mine who is a class music teacher a few years ago about some kids' inability to play basic things in time his line was "he has as much rhythm as a Catholic rabbit".

Left me in stitches that did 😂

It's also very easy line to throw at drummers 😂
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samopn
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by samopn » Fri May 22, 2020 2:55 pm

I'm sure you've all heard this but just in case you haven't

.... and I'm told it's true.

So, during a particularly "robust" orchestral rehearsal a 3rd desk viola player turned to the 1st trombonist and complained about the volume.

Without any hesitation the trombonist said "well, if you'd practised more you'd be sitting in the 1st desk, not the 3rd, so don't blame me!"

I do hope it's true, and I wish I'd have thought of that when we did Henry Wood's Fantasia on British Sea Songs where the last 4 bars are fff with a crescendo, and I got a complaint...
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by whitbey » Sat May 23, 2020 7:05 am

When I was young I told my Grandma that when I grow up I wanted to play trombone. She told me I couldn’t do both.
Edwards Sterling bell 525/547
Edwards brass bell 547/562
Edwards Jazz w/ Ab valve 500"/.508"
Conn 34H Alto
Bass Bach 50 Bb/F/C dependent.
Cerveny oval euphonium
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samopn
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by samopn » Sat May 23, 2020 7:08 am

... and when I was young my Mum said "Oh for goodness sake, why don't you grow up, stupid"... so I did.

... and I went to the barbers and said "My hair needs cutting badly" so he did...
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Kingfan
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Re: Jokes and one liners from the back row

Post by Kingfan » Sun Jun 28, 2020 7:36 pm

Riker.jpg
Riker.jpg (47.79 KiB) Viewed 371 times
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are still missing! :D
Greg Songer
King 2B , 3B, 3B-F, 4B-F, 7B
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